The Invincible Team
by chaosphoenix08
Summary: Countries everywhere are being kidnapped and taken to a parallel universe! Who is behind all this? After some countries escape, they team up to rescue the rest and solve the mystery. Rated T for some swearing.
1. Prologue

**I don't own Hetalia...but that's not really relevant right here because this particular chapter only features my OCs.**

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_Dufa, dusk_

"Al_right_, everyone, this meeting of the Dufa Taran Incorporated spy corps will come to order, me presiding," loudly declared the brightly garbed woman standing on a chair at the front of the room. She wasn't standing there because she was short, in fact, she was perfectly average sized, but because towering five feet over everyone else's heads was her favorite place to wield power. From up there, the entire meeting room was the UI of a computer program, the little units plodding (she should adjust their speed, she hadn't got all day!) towards embroidered cushions from which they would feed back their information and silently await the new task she would send them on with a flick of her fingers.

"Report, in the order of your assignment numbers." Yes, and now the first group of four was standing up – no, wait, they weren't. Only three were grimly shuffling to the first of the podium steps, not daring to go farther. They stopped, averting their eyes from the pink-tinted glow of the conversion lamp behind her. "What is the matter?" she demanded, losing grip on her fantasy. "Why are there only three of you? I set four on this assignment. Where is…that other one? The one…" Did he even have a name? She couldn't remember anything about him. "The one with the ugly nose," she managed finally.

The tallest agent, a woman named…arrgh, she couldn't remember that either. She hadn't bothered to learn any of their names, thinking it unnecessary, but now she realized she needed some way of distinguishing and recognizing the agents under her. She would go through their employee records after the meeting.

Anyway, the tallest agent appeared to be at least considering speech, fitting together words and sentences in her mouth that she then discarded and started over. This went on for long enough that Kehensha Ansaveil Taran, instead of progressing to panic, merely cooled down into apprehensive and impatient boredom.

"Well? Spit it out, spit it out, spit it out!" she yelled when her emotions finally got the best of her. Silly, she ought to be working on that. The agent looked hostile and offended for a moment, but then her countenance slid back into its usual professional calm.

"The missing agent, Myco Vender, was killed in his work by a fall from the roof of the Quri building…" Her already damaged fantasy shattered. She got down from the chair. It was no use anymore. "…Which it was our assignment to sabotage with a stink bomb, making it impossible for the board meeting to—"

"Yes, yes, I know your mission." Kehensha had taken special note of this one; depending on the wind, the stink could have reached a party she had been invited to. "He died? Right away?" What was this churning blackness in her gut? Was that foreboding? A certainty that something awful was coming?

"Yes, instantly. We have confirmed it was an accident."

"Well then…have the letters and confirmations been sent to his dependents? Has his body been turned over to them?" The feeling was getting worse…

"Normally, that would be already done, but he had no family. The company legally owns his body now – unfortunately, though, your office does not have a license for burial or possession of cadavers, and corporations aren't legally _people_, so they aren't covered as clients under mortuary licenses…" Pow, boom, smack. Kehensha had to remember to breathe while figuring these words out.

"Wait, we have to get rid of his corpse, but our only option is to do it illicitly?"

"Actually, there is another option. You can simply sign responsibilities over to yourself and make all the arrangements personally…"

_Dufa Promenade, lunchtime, three weeks later_

"And that is how I ended up spending nine hours a week at a stupid mortuary so I could bury a body!" Kehensha was on a lunch date with her older sister, Alsihi, at one of the beautiful, exclusive cafes on the most fashionable street in the city. Her sis had just spent a month away on a vacation/business trip in the Socialist Republic of Issyk-Kulistan, and Keha had grabbed the first opportunity she could to get back together and catch up. Sitting there, drinking iced coffee with condensed milk, pointing out and telling stories about people who passed by…it was just like old times. Times when they spent almost every day together, with no limits on what they could do or where they could go, when "family duty" and "work ethic" were only words spouted off by the heroes of silly foreign movies, and not walls that trapped them into work and separation, crushing their carefree life.

"Oh, you poor thing." Alsi had on a smile that suggested she found the whole mess a bit funny. She didn't mind. Keha supposed it was, as long as you weren't her. "At least something like this probably won't happen again, though."

"But the thing is, it _will_. When I went through the records that night, eighty percent of my employees had no marked family. Turns out agents are often dark loners with mysterious pasts, go figure! _And_ my office has a death rate of 1-2 every four years, so this whole crapfest is going to repeat itself sooner than later."

"Oh." Keha could see she had reached her sister. "Well, at least some of that must be a records error. The agents simply didn't mark their family, or they have a family now."

"I have a feeling that doesn't account for most of the loners. Eighty percent, Alsi. _Eighty-freaking percent._ And trust me; I am not stamping rats in a foul-smelling room for two hours again."

"Well, maybe that had something to do with your choice of morticians," said Alsi, still trying to lighten the mood.

"I went to three different businesses before the guy I finally used. And he wore a necklace of fingernails. This city's funeral homes couldn't be any creepier if they were staffed by serial killers who took weekly classes on creepiness." It was a long time before Alsi thoughtfully sucked up the last of her coffee and answered.

"I don't suppose you'll consider a sensible solution, like better safety standards or only hiring people with plenty of loving relatives."

Keha grinned. "You know me only too well, sister. Besides that, I hate all parts of someone dying. There's endless paperwork, everyone's nervous or stony, an actual police officer stopped by and interviewed me because that kind of thing is apparently just routine when a corporate espionage agent dies, and, well, someone _died_. That's just not good." She stood up and struck a pose, pointing to the sky.

"What we need…are agents who _won't ever_ die!"

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**I know what you're thinking..."What, a Hetalia fanfic without Hetalia characters? What is this?" *burn author at stake***

**But, this exposition really is necessary for the story. I promise, next chapter will open right up with Estonia joking about the unproductivity of World Meetings. There will be plenty of Hetalia.**


	2. Into Effect

**Don't own Hetalia, Starbucks, or anything else I reference in this chapter**

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_Helsinki, Finland_

"I'm so glad the World Meeting went well today! We sure got a lot done, didn't we?" Finland chirped as he walked with Estonia to his car, waiting about a block away. The overcast sky was heavy and colorless, and so were the thick concrete buildings lining this street.

"I know…I took a picture of the reparations scheme we drafted. As tangible evidence of the soon-to-be legendary World Meeting where we were actually productive, I can probably sell it to the director of America's CIA for thousands of dollars." Estonia smiled as he thought of what he could do with the money – this could really help his country's tourism business. "I could even make multiple copies and sell them to different people!"

"Business would be booming. One of the copies might even show up on _Antiques Roadshow_ or some other American TV show," Finland teased.

Estonia frowned. "I thought _Antiques Roadshow_ was British."

"Is it? I'm not sure. Hold on, let me Google it." They stopped walking, Finland taking out his smartphone and activating the internet browser. Estonia waited, his thoughts wandering.

"Anyway, the miracle probably won't last. The only reason we were so productive today was that America was home sick, Britain was also away taking care of America, and with no one to argue with, France just sort of withered and died instead of starting his usual catastrophic chain of distracting fights." Finland tried to listen to Estonia and use his phone at the same time, but ended up not doing either very well.

"Um…maybe America will continue being sick…oh darn, there's no 'd' in _Antiques_, is there?" Finland fumbled, his fingers growing numb from the autumn chill in the air that also seeped through his slate-colored wool coat. Estonia sighed. His driver would be getting impatient.

"Here, just let me do it." "No, no, wait! I've got it. See, according to Wikipedia, the show's British, but there are international versions too. Would you like to see where it—" "No, thank you. I've got to get going. Goodbye, Finland." Estonia gave his friend a quick smile and stated rapidly walking down the grey sidewalk towards his car, not because he wanted to get away from the cheerful little guy, but because he had a flight home to catch and Russia wouldn't want him to be late. He felt a bit bad about leaving so abruptly, though, and turned to wave at his friend. Luckily, Finland saw him and waved back. _Great, so he's not mad at me_, thought Estonia as he climbed into the black car.

"So glad you could leave with a clear conscience," drawled a bored voice from the passenger's seat. "Do you know how long I've been waiting?"

Estonia started. He didn't know this dark-haired woman with the crimson scarf. Underneath her dark grey coat, he could see that her clothes were also brightly colored. As for her skin, the first comparison that came to mind was a Starbucks caramel latte (Estonia really liked them, but he tried not to let anybody find out. America would just crow insufferably if he knew). She was pretty, but Estonia didn't really notice that, he was too surprised. Taking advantage of his shock, the woman immediately pressed to his face a cloth soaked in chloroform. As he fell unconscious, Estonia's thoughts were weirdly calm, since he really hadn't had enough time to get scared. _Oh, I'm falling unconscious. I guess the cloth must be soaked with chloroform, then. That's really to be expected, when someone pushes a cloth soaked in something to your face. _Estonia paused to note that the cloth, instead of an indiscriminate rag, was actually a fine linen handkerchief with a monogram he was already too far gone to identify embroidered in the bottom left corner. _Really, chloroform seems a bit like a cliché nowadays. How long have people been using it for kidnappings like this _(he assumed this was some sort of kidnapping)_? Finland should look that up too…_

The woman checked her captive. He was out like a light. She smiled, hoping the rest of her complicated plan would go this well.

"Good job," she told the silent driver. "As agreed, you will receive the rest of your payment when we reach the rendezvous point." He nodded, and started driving. She fingered one of her gold bracelets in anticipation. This thrill – that of directing a huge operation, seeing it all come together – she wished she could feel it more often. _Well, you will,_ Kehensha told herself. The first stages would still take many days to complete, and then – and then – well, once this worked, who knew what she would be capable of putting into action? Keha smiled and dreamed all the way to her destination.

_Dufa, Operation Command Center_

Keha was out of breath as she walked into the command center. It wasn't from the interdimensional travel – that barely made her feel dizzy – but from carrying the unconscious country out of the helicopter and through the halls to the medical bay. She was unprepared to dodge a glare from her normally gentle sister.

"You're late. By almost nine minutes," Alsi snapped. She wouldn't normally do that, but the stress of helping Keha coordinate something so massive for almost a year was putting her over the edge. She didn't need her sister to be another thing that might go wrong. Kehensha, on the other hand, was in her element.

"I had to carry Target 1 to the med bay. Besides, I didn't even know I had a time to be late _to_." She slung her heavy coat over one of the sleek office chairs – it was totally unsuited for Dufa's hot weather, even in October – and sat down in front of a computer terminal. Her thumbprint unlocked the machine and she opened the night's itinerary. Over a dozen separate operations were going on tonight, and a map of the parallel universe they were using showed the progress reports and schedule of each one (What do you know, there _was_ a posted time for her to be back by). She marked hers as complete and looked for the phone number of the surgeon she'd hired for the next step. She wanted to call him and confirm he would be here tonight. Alsihi saw what she was doing and started worrying again.

"I really don't like that guy. He's much too shady." Keha rolled her eyes. They'd had this conversation before.

"What do you think we're doing? Our team can do simple stuff, like the tracker – oh, look, they just did that, by the way – but for the main thing, we need a real expert. One who will keep this all very hush-hush."

"I thought you kept making a big deal out of how all this was perfectly legal."

"Legal, yes. Also certainly odd and a bit…ethically interesting. If the public were to find out about this, it would really damage Mom's company's image, which we can't let happen. I'm not going to abuse the freedom she gives us by doing image-damaging things and then getting caught." Now Alsi rolled her eyes. Her sister sounded like a borderline supervillain. She admitted she didn't have much of a problem with that besides the ridiculousness factor, but…still. She dropped the argument and let Keha call the surgeon in peace. The call didn't go well, however. She barely avoided slamming her fist onto the End button.

"Well, hell. His plane was delayed due to a blizzard, so he can only be here by _tomorrow_ night." Kehensha was not happy. In fact, she was positively angry. This was her plan, after all, and the problem was almost like a personal insult.

On the other hand, Alsihi was worried. An extra twenty-four hours of keeping the captives contained would be very hard. And the sooner the second stage was done for each of them, the sooner the hard part would be over. And she had some more bad news for her sister.

"Keha." Her sister turned to her serious tone. "Sis. I can't stay here the entire night." Keha was shocked. But she had counted on that, counted on having her sister here to oversee the Big Night together. "I can do my assignment, with France, but I need to head straight to mom's house after that. She invited me over. I can't miss it." Keha considered arguing, but then reconsidered. Her sis was right. She couldn't disobey mom. She could handle everything by herself. Probably. Arguing would just be selfish and immature, and she was supposed to be a capable woman.

"Okay, Alsi." Alsi's eyes widened in surprise. She'd expected her younger sister to put up a fight. "Have fun with Mom, alright? You know, I could do your thing if it would make you late." Keha's older sister shook her head.

"No, I will still have plenty of time to get there, if everything goes according to schedule. I really appreciate the offer, though." She hoped her smile accurately conveyed the full warmth of her feelings. Afraid that wouldn't be enough, she pulled her sister closer for a quick hug. It turned into a long hug. "I love you, sis. I hope this whole thing actually works."

"Of course it will. I know it will." Keha finally pulled away from the hug and went to check the itinerary again. "Okay, so you have an hour until you have to leave. Let's budget half of that to do your clothes and makeup. What will you do until then?"

"I think I'll check on your little guest in the med bay."

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**What could they be planning?...**

**So, to clarify some things, Keha and Alsi are from a parallel dimension where some things are different (legalized corporate espionage, for example). Dufa is a city-state right to the east of the Caspian Sea. It was established as a trading city on the Silk Road about 100 BCE by Parthian nomads (Iranians, basically).**

**I feel like Estonia and Finland would really get along, which is why they're together in the beginning of this chapter. Expect to see a lot more Estonia for the rest of this fic.**


	3. The Mysterious Cooking Call

**Don't own anything**

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_Berlin, Germany_

Italy bounced up and down with happiness. "Gee, Germany, thanks for letting me spend the night at your house." Germany glowered at the smaller nation.

"I don't recall doing that. In fact, I recall telling you to leave me alone for vonce und you following me home instead." Italy nodded.

"But you haven't kicked me out yet, which means I can stay!" Germany was just about to correct Italy's logic when Italy's cell phone rang (its ring tone, in a bizarre feat of breaking the fourth wall, was the main theme of the Hetalia anime. Scientists will puzzle for years over how that was possible). Italy answered it. "Yes? Oh, yeah. Oh, I see. What? No, I don't know how to cook that." He looked glum as he hung up. "Germany, I'll-a have to go back to my place. Something really important has come up and it can't be talked about over the phone."

Germany felt elated that Italy was going to go, then a bit guilty. He didn't want anything to happen to the little guy, after all. For his friend's sake, he hoped this was not bad news.

"Goodbye, zen. I'm right here if you need me, you know," he said, surprising himself by hugging the Italian.

"Grazie, _Doitsu_, but I'll be fine!" he said, chipper as always. He grabbed his stuff and headed to the front door. "Bye! I'll come back later if I can!" He stepped outside and ran out of sight. Germany went back inside and started to tidy up. His friend always left a wake of disorganization in his passing.

"E-excuse me, sir?" asked a timid man standing just outside the living room door. Germany didn't know him that well – he worked for his boss in some way.

"Yes? Vat is it?" the country said, abandoning his cleaning and coming closer. The young man looked really nervous. He wondered if it was over the same problem Italy had had to leave for.

"If, if you could just come this way sir, there's something I need to tell you." He looked about to fall over. Germany stood right in front of him.

"Is somezing happening? Are you all right?" he asked, noticing the man's worsening condition. He was about to call for help when he saw him trying to speak.

"I, I…there's this…" All of a sudden, his hand, which had previously been hidden behind his back, darted forward and pressed a cloth full of chloroform to Germany's face. Germany was too surprised not to breathe in and his muscles immediately started going slack. By the time the agent had wedged them both in a closet, he was out cold.

The covert agent sighed. His nervousness hadn't been an act. This was his first field mission, and he really couldn't imagine a more dangerous one. Infiltrating the German government and gaining the security clearance to be at the house on schedule was nerve-wracking, but subduing Germany himself was the worst part. The big country always terrified him. Still, he admitted, the plan had worked like a charm. In fact, it had gone _perfectly_. The nervous agent couldn't stop a bubble of elation from rising in his chest, and he grinned like an idiot all the way through the hole he'd dug in the closet a week ago, leading to an underground room. He was still smiling as (at exactly 5:35 pm) he and the unconscious Germany were zapped from that dimension, and not even the nausea of dimensional transfer sickness could dampen it. He even started whistling as he entered the building. This had been, he decided, a most wonderful day.

_Dufa_

Estonia woke up to see the same woman who had knocked him out standing over him, but he was still too groggy to jump or yelp or anything. As he regained his senses, he realized that it wasn't actually the same woman, just one who looked (and dressed) a lot like her. They could have been sisters or something. He saw that he was lying in a small, but normal-looking hospital room, and his was the only bed. The walls were painted a cute duckling yellow that excoriated his vision less that clinical white would have. He also noticed a patch on his arm, as if he had had an injection recently.

"You're already awake? That was fast. I guess countries are tougher than ordinary people, huh? Would you like some water?" Eduard nodded, noting that she seemed to know that he was a country, and she poured some in a paper cup from a pitcher across the room. He took it with a shaking hand and began to drink in small sips. The water seemed to be clearing his head. He continued sipping as the woman talked some more. "It's lucky you happened to wake up while I was visiting you." There was kindness in her eyes. "I can't tell you that much, unfortunately, but I'll tell you what I can. I bet you'd really like to know where you are and why, right?" He nodded again. "Unfortunately, some trouble with weather has delayed some things, which means you'll need to wait another 30 hours or so for your answers." She smiled sympathetically. "See you!" she said, and left, closing the door behind her. Eduard placed the empty cup on the table by the bed, then facepalmed. She really hadn't told him anything at all…except for the fact that he would be stuck here for another day. _Was _it daytime? There were no windows in the hospital room, and he didn't know how long he'd been out.

"Hello there, sugar! So, you woke up, didjya?" Estonia raised his head at the honey-coated voice, belonging to a blond nurse with lots of makeup and an exaggerated Southern accent pushing open the door. He realized that he'd fallen asleep. "I'm just here to check on a few things, so don't you worry your pretty little head." _Did she seriously just say, "Pretty little head"? I had no idea there were actually Americans who talked like that…_

"Um, excuse me," he tried. "Excuse me." The nurse stopped jotting things down on her clipboard and stared at him. His resolve wavered, then strengthened. He needed information to figure out what to do. "Can you tell me why I'm here?" The nurse pouted her lips.

"Well, I'm so sorry, mister, but I have not been entrusted with that information. There have been…rumors, of course, among the staff, but I don't really like to engage in such _low_ activities," she said, using a tone that evinced she very much liked to engage in such low activities. Estonia braced himself. He detested what he was about to do, but he needed information above all else.

"You seem the very picture of trustworthiness," he chatted. "Is there any information at all your bosses have seen fit to entrust you with, because of your admirable qualities?" She preened, flattered.

"_Weeell_," she began, "it has been the mistresses' pet project for about a year now."

"What has?" Estonia was getting excited – he must be close to answers now!

"All this." She waved around the room, out toward the door. "Quite a lot of preparation was needed; I hear that there was all kinds of spying and infiltrating going on, in the other universe."

"What?"

"You're in an alternate universe, honey!" She laughed at the shock on his face. "Really. And apparently that was crucial to the whole plan, because human rights wouldn't apply to you guys because it was unexplored and people from there weren't confirmed sentient creatures yet, or something." Estonia stayed silent, processing this information. The nurse, however, was content to talk on and on. "And don't think you are special, either. Well, you are, because apparently you were all specifically targeted, but lots of people besides you will be comin' in."

"Really? Who?"

"About an hour after you arrived, there were two almost at the same time. There was a tall albino and a smaller brown-haired one dressed in red and yellow. Both unconscious like you were. And lots more will be here soon." Estonia was stressed. Things just kept getting worse and worse. The two other captives sounded like Prussia and Spain, meaning the "mistresses" were going after countries. As the nurse turned to leave, he asked one more question: "Is anything going to happen in about 30 hours?"

"Yes, actually. There was some surgeon coming here, who was supposed to be here around midnight, but his flight was trapped by a blizzard and he'll be here tomorrow. Supposed to operate and do something to you lot. You know, I take back my earlier comment. You are special. Maybe it's just because you went first, but the head of this department herself, Miss Kehensha Ansaveil Taran, went out to bring you here. Count yourself lucky. She's a real beauty, dontcha think?"

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**Yay, Italy the ever-cheerful makes an appearance!**

**The great thing about writing a setting set in another universe is that you don't have to be historically accurate :-D That said, I do try to make the history of this universe at least plausible. For example, the original Viking colonies from about 700 CE are still living in Canada (It'll be interesting to see how that affected Canada's personality)! **


	4. Secret AgentReference Man!

**I have no idea what you are talking about when you say I own anything.**

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_Paris, France_

France was feeling depressed tonight. What Estonia had said was true – he faded away without someone to fight with, hit on, or both. He couldn't reach Prussia or Spain, and England wouldn't leave America's side without turning into an explosive ball of worry. He _had_ been planning to go out tonight, but that was before the World Meeting. That night, France decided to stay home, ramble to the walls of his room about history and God, and read flowery Gothic poetry, which was what he usually did when feeling like this. Normally, that wouldn't have been a problem and France would wake up the next morning on his couch, feeling much better if a little stiff-necked. Unfortunately, that particular night, someone did have a problem with this. That person was Alsihi Taran.

Alsihi was chosen for this after the sisters determined rigorously and scientifically (by polling the French Government workers who knew about Francis – still, it was a rigorous poll) that she was more "his type". She felt nervous and a bit uncertain, but she hid it well behind a pretty smile as she watched the slender brick townhouse. What should she do? Their inside operative had texted her that the country was refusing to come out, but their entire plan depended on that. Just then, she heard her phone chirp. It was another message from the agent. _I've gotten him out for a few seconds. The rest is up to you._ She immediately readied herself, and France stumbled out of his house, muttering in French.

"What does he _mean_, he hid the key under the bush in front? _There is no bush in front!_" He thought a few seconds, and then started rummaging in the flowerpots.

"Excuse me, Monsieur?" she called. The nation paused.

"What is it?" he asked. He was unreadable. Alsihi didn't know if Keha's excellent eye for fashion and makeup was working, but she pressed on, improvising.

"Please, you have to help me find my cat!" _What? You suck at improvising!_

"Your cat?"

"Yes! He just ran under your front steps a few minutes ago! Please, you need to help me. He was a birthday present from my… sister," she choked, disguising her uncertainty in fake sobbing. France paused, considering the pretty woman's pleas. A little adventure would do him good, he decided, and maybe afterwards he would feel like himself again. He bent down, searching the dimness underneath the metal steps and the tiny wrought-iron porch. He squinted, looking harder.

"I can't see anything," he said, but Alsi had already moved up behind him, readying the drugged cloth in her hand. In her movement, though, she scraped against an old and rusty curl on the railing which hadn't been repainted in far too long, opening a long, deep tear down her arm that immediately began welling up blood.

She gasped, seeing it before feeling it, and even then, the pain seemed to be far away and easily ignorable. France, upon turning around and seeing her wound, insisted on calling an ambulance, though. While they waited, he helped her bandage it with his own jacket and rode with her in the ambulance when it came. Alsihi was in too much of a daze to object. After he finally left her at the hospital entrance (with a promise to call later and see how she was doing) she was stuck at the hospital so long that she ended up exiting through her room window rather than risk being late foe her dinner with Mom. Luckily, the transport spot happened to be on the hospital grounds. Alsihi was zapped back to the Department of Intelligence building, vomited in a sink from the transfer sickness, and made it to her appointment, having time in between for only one text to Keha: _I failed. So sorry._

When the conversation at dinner turned to her new bandage and mournful demeanor, Alsihi was too depressed to care if her story was believable.

"I got scratched trying to save a cat that ran under a porch. The cat got skewered on a piece of metal and died."

Her mother may or may not have known she was lying. She did not inquire further.

_Alexandria, Virginia_

"What the bloody hell are you doing here, you bloody frog?" England was more irritable than normal. Part of this was the stress and annoyance of spending an entire day taking care of America, and part was concern for the younger country.

"I thought you might be overworked, England, so I decided to come over and take some of the burden of caring for America off your shoulders!" Unlike Alsihi, France had come out of the "cat" situation feeling much better. He wanted to spend the evening getting the excitement he hadn't been able to at the World Meeting, with Britain and America gone.

"Go away! I have enough to handle without you here!"

"Exactly why I'm here, mon ami! Also, I brought some soup we could eat for dinner, and a few movies in case you're interested…" He gestured at a paper bag he held. Britain almost yelled at him again, but he reconsidered. _France might be able to help a little – God knows the next time I'll find him in a helpful mood, and if he brought soup, I won't have to listen to everyone harp about my cooking again…_

"Alright, come in." He let France step inside and closed the door. "But you know I can't stand your movies. And if you want to be helpful, put your stuff down and hunt down a vacuum cleaner. This place hasn't been cleaned since the last time I stayed over."

_Singapore_

Because England had shooed everyone besides Alfred out of the house when he took over, the two agents in charge of kidnapping him and America were totally unable to complete their missions. Talking this over in Washington, D.C., they decided not to go back to Dufa and probably get fired and swept up in diverging career paths. Instead, they let the budding romance that had been growing between them for eighteen months fully flower by eloping to Singapore in the countries' dimension. There, they followed a fulfilling career in theoretical mathematics, gaining international renown many years later for proving that one could plot the boundaries of an eight-dimensional circular figure with only five points.

_Dufa_

Estonia was alone again, and still trying to adjust to everything he'd learned. Then Germany burst through the door.

"Vat? Estonia? Damn, you're here as vell?"

"Uh, yes. Germany, why aren't you unconscious? It seemed like they were bringing everyone in that way…"

"Apparently I didn't get a big enough dose. I knocked my kidnapper out, stuffed him in a closet, und stole his ID card. Quickly, do you know who else is here?" Estonia noted that Germany was carrying said ID card in his pocket. It bore a picture of a scrawny dark-haired guy, though, so their disguise would be about as effective as a pair of novelty glasses with attached nose and mustache.

"I think Prussia and Spain are here, but still unconscious. The nurse said that more would be coming in soon, though.

"Mein brother? Vy is it always him that gets into trouble? But anyvay, let's check the next rooms." Germany didn't know to be relieved or apprehensive that Italy wasn't here. Maybe it was possible that the mysterious call had been for real, but Germany didn't think so. His soldier's sense was telling him that Italy was in danger as well, and he always trusted it.

Germany and Estonia hurried out to the hall. They both felt a little woozy from the aftereffects of the drug, but they made it to the next room down. After cracking it a tiny bit and peeping in, Germany seemed to decide it was all clear and opened the door fully (though not as forcefully as he had opened the door to Estonia's room). Now Estonia could see the occupant – a sleeping Prussia, the covers drawn up to his chin. The shade of this room's walls, a pastel pink (_My room was duckling yellow, _remembered Estonia._ Who does the decorating here?_) and the sunset light from the window conspired to make the sleeping Prussian seem peaceful, cute…and almost girlish **(1)**. Then Germany grabbed the pitcher of water—identical to the one in Estonia's room—and upended it over his brother's head. It had the intended effect.

"Ke-auuugh! Damn you, Ludwig, vat vas that for?" Ludwig remained silent and let Prussia figure out where he was. "Vait, but I vas at a bar…und he even insisted on paying, too. Did he slip something in my drink?" His look of outrage changed to one of shock and horror. "Oh, no! Vas I—"

"No, you vere not." Ludwig cut his brother off before he could continue that thought.

"We were kidnapped by some people from a parallel dimension who seem to have something sinister planned," Estonia explained. "We were just escaping."

"Ok, vell, is it just us? Or all countries, or –" Prussia was interrupted by the sound of people talking in the hallway outside. The three countries crowded near the slightly-open door to listen. It was the Southern nurse, talking with two unfamiliar men. The men carried an indistinct, unresponsive tumble in their arms.

"Okay, gentlemen, if y'all will be so kind as to follow me, his room is right this way. You know, why's he so roughed up, if you don't mind my askin'?"

"Oh, that," sniggered the first man. "Well, we actually kept him conscious the whole way, and that required some…reminders."

"To keep him quiet?" asked the nurse as she stopped to adjust a barrette in her brittle hair.

"Oh, no way," replied the second thug. "His screams were way too cute for that." Germany felt a terrible sense of foreboding.

"Yeah," agreed the first one. "Wannna hear one?" He dropped his end of the tumble on the floor, his partner following suit. There was no scream, just a choked, painful whimper that Germany strained to hear more clearly. Was it really so familiar…or was it just his imagination?

The thug was not pleased.

"Louder." He kicked his prisoner in the stomach, eliciting a full-fledged cry that undeniably, irrevocably, irrefutably marked its source as none other than Feliciano Vargas. If it wasn't for Prussia quickly grabbing his arm and whispering a few words in German in his ear, Germany would have burst out of the hospital room and ripped both of the thugs' throats out.

"Heh, heh. Well, anyway, you get it," said one of the torturers to the now-terrified nurse. "Too bad we were on such a tight schedule. There was so much more _fun_ we could have had with you," now directly addressing Italy.

His blood stained the wall within two seconds. Germany then took care of the second thug, who was too unprepared to offer much resistance. The nurse simply fainted outright from witnessing all this, but she managed to press an alarm button first.

"We have to go," said Estonia. Everyone agreed, and after Germany had carefully gathered up Italy's body, they made good their escape.

* * *

**(1) Imangine Prussia sleeping peacefully in a pink room and TELL me you don't get the same feeling. He also seems to be taking the whole "kidnapped" situation well.**

**And no, Germany didn't kill the henchmen, even though he wanted to.**


	5. Deep in the Forest

**I can assure you, ladies and gentlemen, I do not own anything.**

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_Outside Dufa_

The Department of Intelligence that Kehensha headed was, ostensibly, secret. To protect this secrecy, instead of being located right in the center of the city's business district, as many of the company's other offices were, its central offices could be found at the end of a long, obscure, hard-to-get-to road, in the middle of a dense, humid, and (if you were a biologist) absolutely stunning example of Caspian Hyrcanian temperate broadleaved forest. It was so untouched, of course, because the entire thing was owned by Dufa Taran Inc., a company with lawyers so vicious they frequently made opponents break down crying in court. Not even a party of drunken teenagers would touch that forest.

All of this was good for Estonia, Germany, Italy, and Prussia because the thick foliage helped hide them as they escaped. All of this was bad, however, because their path was clogged with literally hundred-year-old holly bushes _and_ the forest was hot and humid as hell even in October. Germany also had to carry the barely-conscious Italy. After only a few minutes, they were already tiring, yet they heard security from the building pounding through unseen paths behind them.

"We need to find someplace to hide," said Estonia, and everyone agreed. There was a small stream running under a dramatic grove of lichen-encrusted trees. Most of its banks were gravel and mud, but it had carved out a shallow shelf where it passed by a long bank of rock. Estonia pointed to it, and after investigating, found he could fit under it without being seen. The rest followed suit. Italy fit fine when Germany gently laid him down, but he and Prussia had to struggle to make themselves small enough. The stream was extremely low, but Estonia still occasionally breathed in water. It worked, though. When groups of guards passed through the area, they didn't notice the four countries.

But why were there so many guards, though? Estonia didn't think the one building would have so many. But then he figured it out. These were the _same_ guards going over and over one small area. They knew they were here. But how? Then he overheard a conversation that made his blood run cold.

"They're around here somewhere, but the tree cover makes the stupid GPS keep acting up. Oh, and did you hear that Med only got a tracker into the first one, even though two had already been there for ages? Seriously, what is wrong with those guys right now? They did a shoddy job when I sprained my wrist last week, too. Look, maybe they climbed a tree. Let's start over there and search all…" Estonia ripped off his bandage and jabbed the spot where he had been injected with something. It was incredibly painful and sore, but he felt a lump beneath his skin. _A tracker. That's how they knew where we were. They'll be gone for a while now, but they'll be back…how long can we hide here?_

Estonia stood up from under the shelf. He knew what he needed to do. After an uncertain pause, the others got up too (except for Italy, who was still unconscious).

"I just overheard some of them talking. There's a tracker on me. Just me. They'll be gone for a few minutes this time, but we don't have long." He steadied his resolve. "Germany, do you have a knife?"

_Cairo, Egypt_

Greece and Egypt lied side by side underneath a date palm in a grove on the outskirts of the city. It was already dark, and stars sparked everywhere in the night sky. They were sharing some figs Egypt had picked. After the World Meeting, Greece had accepted Egypt's invitation to spend the afternoon at his place.

"Are you enjoying yourself?" Egypt asked quietly. Greece nodded.

"Of course, the figs are best at my place." That phrase was almost a joke between them.

"Are you sure?" You wouldn't be able to tell if you didn't know him, but the African nation was teasing Greece.

"Positive." They continued sharing silently. That was why their friendship worked so well. Neither of them needed to talk.

A little while later, Egypt heard a noise.

"Did you hear something?" he asked, not sure if Greece was awake.

"Yes. It woke me up." _So he was asleep_, Egypt thought. _But how could a noise that small wakesuch a deep sleeper?_ "It reminded me of a cat stalking its prey." _Oh. That explains it. _Egypt didn't know why he was suddenly filled with such deep unease. _But then…what is the prey?_ Egypt and Greece were suddenly surrounded by shadowy figures. The hidden people threw a weighted net over the two countries. One of the weights hit Greece in the head, making both of them roll down a little slope and getting them too tangled for even a chance of freedom.

"I don't _like_ nets," one of the three figures remarked. "They're way too messy. And weren't we supposed to use a knockout agent?"

"If you've a problem with that, then take it up with the Small Lady." The tallest figure spoke Arabic with a distinctly British accent. "_She_ was supposed to keep our supply of the drug safe, but instead – why don't you tell her the story yourself, Small Lady?" Then the smallest figure spoke. What she said was quiet and mumbled and rapid and embarrassed, but the gist of what the prisoners were able to catch went a bit like: "my-cat's-growing-really-fast-and-I-guess-he-can-jump-onto-the-counter-now-but-I-didn't-know-then-and-he-broke-the-bottle-and-spilled-everything-and-he-ate-a-lot-of-it-too."

"Oh, is your cat all right?" _Classic Greece_, thought Egypt in exasperation. But Small Lady looked genuinely touched.

"It was touch and go for a while, but he's alright now." She looked at Greece, hope shining in her eyes. "Do – do you like cats?"

"I love them. Cats are my favorite thing in the whole world." Greece spoke as if they were casually meeting on a beach, and not at a nighttime kidnapping. The hope she displayed turned to admiration, and she gave a soft gasp.

"Lovely. If you two would like to talk further, I'm sure we have another net. Otherwise, let's get moving." The tallest one languidly stretched out and began to walk. "Of course, Small Lady, I would never _really_ tie you up. You're far too useful – for grunt work. He tossed her some shackles and a knife. "Maybe I should have pretended to like cats so you'd have whined less. Anyway, love, I hope you can tie them up quickly." He continued in a certain direction, and the last person followed his lead. Egypt saw small Small Lady's face contort, trying to keep back tears. It took a while for her to cut partially free and then rebind both of them in a way that let them shuffle but not escape, especially since she was extra gentle with Greece. Egypt, who eventually suffered from multiple scrapes and minor stab wounds, envied his friend's special treatment. After the job was done more or less completely, Small Lady prodded the countries, and they began shuffling madly in the direction her partners had gone.

"So, why are you called Small Lady? That's an odd name," asked Greece after a bit.

"They call me that because I think highly of myself – like a lady – but I will only ever amount to small things." She looked proud and defiant as she said this, though. For a split second, the moon illuminated her upturned face, framed by candy-pink hair. Egypt briefly wondered if the hair was real or a wig.

"But you don't think that of yourself." Surprisingly, Egypt was the one who talked.

"No. I will do _great_ things; I will go everywhere; and I will be a great, _great_ legend someday." Her words were fiercely confident. Both countries were suddenly reminded of Russia (incidentally, Russia had been left out of the sisters' plans, because Kehensha had decided he was just too damn creepy and insane). She smiled a sugar-sweet smile at Greece. Both countries amended their assessments: she had Russia's ambition and Belarus's obsession.

"Oh, I think I see my partners! Wait! Wait for me and the prisoners!" she called ahead. Greece moaned and kept stumbling forward. Egypt wondered what was going on and where these people came from.

_Dufa_

Spain groaned. Why were people talking outside his room? Why did they keep running and thumping around? He even thought he'd heard Prussia once… _Wait, what's Prussia doing in my house? And why are all these other people here?_ He opened his eyes (it seemed to take an unusual amount of effort) and looked around. He wasn't in his house.

_Well, that sort of explains things – oh no! How did I get here? What happened? Will Romano be able to cook dinner for himself?_ Struggling to sit up, Spain tried to convince himself that there was nothing to worry about at all, but his efforts became hopeless the moment a frantic nurse burst into the room.

"Oh, thank goodness you didn't escape too!" Spain tried to ask her a question, but she grabbed his arm, jabbed an enormous syringe in it, and pressed down on the plunger. The pain left him unable to speak. Whatever was in there felt a _lot_ bigger than a normal shot. The nurse pulled it out, slapped a band-aid on the wound, and ran out the door, never ceasing to look terrified. Her mood didn't do much for Spain. He now remembered that she had said "escaped," as if he was a prisoner. _Please. Please, I hope that I'll get back home safely, and that everyone else is safe too…_

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**Poor Spain, so worried about Romano. **

**Sorry guys (I'm operating under the assumption that there are multiple people actually reading this), I posted this chapter a little late. Well, it was just one of those weeks in school and such, but I promise this won't happen next week. If I take more than a week to post, you can let Russia eat my soul.**

**Russia: Do I get to cook it the way I want? I prefer souls flame-broiled with rosemary and a bit of paprika.**

**Me:...Yes. If it happens. Which it won't. It definitely, definitely won't.**


	6. Deep in the Forest Part 2

**And more amazing amazingness is brought to you by the cast of Hetalia...say hi, guys!**

**Nobody here owns anything. Especially not me. **

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_Outside Dufa_

"Germany, do you have a knife?" asked Estonia, dead serious in the darkening forest.

"Yes, there was one on the guy I knocked out, but you – you're planning to cut out the tracker right now?" Germany appeared uncharacteristically nervous.

"It's the only way we can escape. We don't have much time. One of you needs to take Italy and find the place where the kidnappers switched dimensions. There might be something there that could help us. The other one needs to stay here and help me. We can catch up." Estonia was trying to stay detached. That always made for the best plans, the best ways of assessing the situation. However, he was having trouble. He realized he _really_ didn't want to get captured – he knew something unthinkable would happen, and something about the two sisters terrified him deeply. Perhaps it was not knowing them, not understanding their minds or motives. If he didn't know that, how could he decide what to do? How could he protect himself?

"I'll stay." Germany had regained his composure, and was now issuing orders again. "Prussia, take Italy und go. That way." He pointed. "Look for a small hill with lots of ferns." Prussia hesitated, lacking his usual self-confidence.

"Brother, you need to go. Take good care of Italy, all right?" impressed Germany, whose words seemed to revitalize his brother. Flashing a cocky smile (though still a shadow of his usual self), Prussia dug up the still-unconscious Italian.

"Don't worry, Ludwig. We'll wait for you." _I hope I'm awesome enough to see this through. _Prussia turned and left, carrying Italy. Estonia noticed that he hadn't made one reference to his own awesomeness during the entire escapade, indicating that he was incredibly shaken. Estonia didn't have time to waste thinking about Prussia, though; he had only a few minutes to perform a surgical operation on himself.

The two countries worked in quiet, communicating with small gestures and nigh-inaudible phrases of one or two words. Not just because they had to remain hidden, but because the situation was perfectly suited to grim silence. They cleaned the knife and wound as best as they could in the stream and Germany prepared some strips of clothing for a bandage. Finally, the climactic moment came, just as Estonia heard the guards approaching. Struggling to keep their hands from slipping in haste, the countries made a small incision at the injection point and pulled out a small glass pill packed with circuitry, just under the skin. Estonia, dealing with the pain, let Germany bandage him.

The guards were closing in, though. Estonia heard a shout as they were spotted. He swiftly threw the tracker in the stream, where the water carried it away. He tried running after Prussia with Germany, but he felt short of breath and dizzy. Germany, seeing him fall behind, started to run back.

"No," breathed Estonia. The guards were too close. Using the rest of his strength, he jumped forward and _pushed_ Germany. "Go. Please," he whispered, as the off-balance nation fell into the stream. Its slippery bed of pebbles and his momentum carried him in the direction of the current – roughly the same route Prussia had taken. Exhausted, Estonia fell back and allowed himself to be surrounded. He found himself lying on his back, staring at a ring of faces. _All of them are here. Good, I'm buying more time for Italy, Germany, and Prussia while they capture me…_ His earlier fears about being taken in didn't come to him now. He was just relieved that his friends had a chance as he slipped into unconsciousness.

As the guards were cleaning up, a messenger ran up to the squad leader from the building.

"Sir! A surprise government ethics inspection crew has just arrived," he panted.

"What? Can we still take this guy back?"

"No, sir. The Department Chief has labeled this a 'Secret' project, remember? Those are more secret that 'Confidential' projects and –"

"Yes, I remember," the guard interrupted. "How long will the inspection last?"

"No way to tell, sir, but we haven't had the six-day one yet this year, so it's probably that." The squad leader swore. Sure, the inspections were mandatory for every business that had a license to perform corporate espionage, and avoiding them was a guarantee that SWAT teams would crash in one day and arrest everyone's ass, but they were a _pain_.

"Eh, well, at least they caught us with most of the targets out. What are we going to do with this guy, though?"

"The incoming targets will be transferred to our secondary facility, but it's far away and fitting everyone there will be a squeeze. Instead, Mistress Kehensha will take him to her own home."

_Alexandria, Virginia_

England looked around him. France slept on a beanbag, his legs stretched out across the floor, while America dozed on his own bed. The sick nation already looked much better. It appeared to simply be a minor bug. There had been some kind of panic over Czech real estate bonds (1), and his stock market had suffered, but he would be all right soon. After a warm bowl of Francis's soup and a weird French movie about a woman who made a dysfunctional village happy by giving everyone chocolate, he was ready to doze off. But before he could, Flying Mint Bunny popped out of thin air with a squeak.

"Arthur! Arthur! Something's wrong!" Flying Mint Bunny looked extremely agitated, bobbing up and down in the air, which worried England. His friend was almost never this upset.

"There, there. Calm down. What's wrong?" The magical spirit slowed down, then stopped at a little below England's eye level.

"So, one of Cecelia's hatchlings, the one you named Marguerite, heard from a leprechaun that knew this one Pegasus that saw one naga telling another one that she'd heard—"

"Get to the point, please." His friend had a tendency to put more detail than necessary in his stories sometimes.

"Well, um, basically lots of countries are getting kidnapped!"

"Wait, are you sure? By whom?"

"'By whom?' You know nobody uses that in modern English vernacular, Arthur."

"Just answer the question! You can't say, 'countries are being kidnapped!' and then just leave me hanging like this!"

"But _which_ question? You actually asked two, if I remember—"

"Answer the bloody question!" Flying Mint Bunny decided to lay aside his critical questions for now. They were really only for Britain's own self-improvement, anyway, but this was not the time.

"So, a bunch of countries including Greece, Egypt, Italy, Spain, and Estonia have been kidnapped, mostly by people working in their own government, and most of them were brought to pre-arranged locations at pre-arranged times and then disappeared in a flash of light, which was NOT caused by any magical creature. That's all I know for sure, and what I've been able to separate from pure rumor." Arthur had been still while listening to all this, listening, but as Mint Bunny finished, he sprang up and – and realized that he had woken up America and France with his earlier yelling. His friends stared at him.

"So, uh…were you talking to one of your 'magical friends,' England?" France offered.

"Yes, I was, and he had something important to say. France, you said you couldn't contact Prussia or Spain earlier tonight, right?" said England, suddenly all business. France wondered what had gotten into him.

"Oui, mon ami."

"Try calling them again. And Egypt, Italy, Greece, uh, and…" England shot his blue-green friend, who surprisingly hadn't poofed away yet, a requesting look.

"Estonia."

"And Estonia, right." France looked incredulous, but dialed Spain's home phone number. He held it up to his ear and waited for a bit.

"Yes, it's me. I would like to speak to—" France became worried. "What do you mean? Is he all right?" France became shocked. He mouthed, _He's been kidnapped!_ to the surprise of America and the smugness of England. "Yes, I understand. I'll contact the proper authorities if I see anything. Good-bye." He hung up. "Oh, _sacré bleu_!" he swore. England's smirk got even bigger. And Mint Bunny thought _his_ vernacular was out of date? At least he didn't use expletives from the _Middle Ages_. "How did this happen? England, is _this_ what your magical antelope friend told you about?"

"Yes. And he's a bunny. Now call those other countries as well. He said they were kidnapped too," replied England.

"You know, we could write down a list and I could call some of them," offered America.

"Excellent," said England. "Now let's see, there was also Italy, Prussia, Estonia–"

"I notice you're not doing any of the work, mon ami," France teased.

"Is this really the time for that?" England retorted.

"Yes, this is exactly the time for that, because the most important time to stay together is during times of strife." France looked oddly resolute as he said this.

"Have you been reading chick lit again?" England sneered.

"I didn't even _do_ that tonight!"

"You know, England, dude has a point…" When the dust had cleared and the three countries had finally called the governments of everyone named by Flying Mint Bunny, a worrying mystery had been set before them. Each number was answered by employees who assured them that, yes this country had mysteriously disappeared and my, you don't seem to be very surprised by the news (except for a high-ranking member of Greece's government, who had been unable to add the last part due to being stabbed in the ear by a co-worker who had chosen that moment to go on a homicidal rampage).

"We should probably call a World Meeting about this…So many countries at once can't be a coincidence," said America glumly.

"Will there be anyone left to show up?" France was slipping back into the black mood which Alsihi had inadvertently pulled him out of.

"Don't be such a bloody wanker. We're going to get to the bottom of this." In the corner, unseen, Flying Mint Bunny gave a thumbs-up.

* * *

**(1) Czech Real Estate bonds...are those even a thing? I don't know. I totally made those up, so don't take this fic as investment advice or anything. Also, Marguerite and Cecelia are miniature dragons, because England would totally hang out with those.**

**And yay for finishing...this chapter took forever to write, simply because i spent too many of my evenings goofing off instead of writing FURIOUSLY! Anyway, hope you enjoyed.**


	7. The Expendable Third Kidnapper

**I think you know what's coming... but I don't own Hetalia**

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_Outside_ _Dufa_

"Germany, Germany! Where's Estonia?" asked Prussia as he pulled his brother out of the cold stream. Germany coughed and spluttered before answering. Impatient, Prussia roughly dried his face with his jacket.

"Estonia…had to stay behind. The guards were right on top of us. If he hadn't pushed me into the stream, I would have been captured as well." Prussia quieted.

"Well… I'm glad you're safe at least, brother. We should get going before someone else shows up." That reminded Germany of something.

"Did you find out how we can get back home?" he said as they entered a large clearing. Prussia had been taking him there on purpose, Germany realized.

"Since when has the awesome Prussia ever failed at anything?" he scoffed. "The dimension travel machine-thingy was right in the middle of this clearing. Italy's been figuring it out while I went to look for you." Germany saw a compact device, less than a meter tall, with stylish brushed-steel sides and an embossed logo declaring it to be manufactured by Dufa Taran Inc. Of course, being stationed outside had made its mark, even though a simple roof protected it from the rain. To his great relief, a now-conscious Italy crouched over a touchscreen on the top. Then his smile disappeared as he remembered that Italy did _not_ have an auspicious history with complex technology. As Italy saw the approaching countries, he waved cheerfully. However, Germany very deliberately took the controls as soon as he arrived.

"Hey! I was having a lot of fun with that!" said Italy, a little put off.

"That's great, Italy, but this could be our only chance to escape, so I'm not taking any chances."

"But I didn't press the rabbit-summoning button this time! I don't think it even has a rabbit-summoning button!" Italy whined.

"Wait, rabbit-summoning button?" said Prussia, clearly confused. Italy turned to tell him the story.

"Well, once, me and Germany were in Rome and this nice old lady needed help crossing the street, so Germany –"

"Ahem," interrupted Germany, who was blushing quite a bit. Evidently this was an embarrassing memory for him, so Prussia immediately decided to explore it in as much excruciating detail as possible.

"A rabbit-summoning button, huh?" he shot out, cutting off Germany in turn. "That sounds completely awesome. It would be a good alarm or something – some guy tries to hack your computer, BOOM, he's covered with flesh-eating rabbits like in _Monty Python and the Holy Grail_. So, Italy, you were saying…" Germany punched his idiot brother.

"Shut up, Gilbert. As _I_ was saying, I think I've figured this out. The log shows the majority of trips are scheduled to come in from one particular dimension tonight, so I think that's ours. Here, type in latitude and longitude coordinates, and set the time to be as soon as possible – someone's scheduled to come through in seven minutes. I'm going to see if Estonia made it." He stood up and tossed the transporter to his brother, who caught it surely. _Transporter? This sounds like 1960s American sci-fi. Not a very awesome period of TV history. _Instead of immediately turning to his task, Prussia watched his brother leave the clearing, knowing he wouldn't find anything.

Germany raged at himself as he left the clearing. How could he leave a man behind? It was inexcusable! It was weak. In war, the weak are slaughtered and their blood is used to grease the swords of the strong. And as far as Germany was concerned, this was a war. Maybe not a grand war where all sides came at each other on open fields, but there was more than one kind of war.

He searched, even as he knew it was in vain. He had last seen Estonia wounded, cold, wet and surrounded by soldiers in unfamiliar territory. Yet still he searched. It was…a principle. A code. One which dictated that even when one's fate came down to a coin flip between dead or captured, as long as there was a chance that the coin might have landed on its edge… You searched.

Prussia looked up as his downcast brother walked into the clearing.

"Hey, you really cut it close there. We're about one minute and a half away from saying our hellos to a mercenary from-" he squinted at the latitude and longitude coordinates "Turkey? Ah, screw it, I don't know where, but they'll have an unconscious country on their shoulder and introducing ourselves would be really awkward and unawesome. What happened, anyway?"

"The coin didn't land on its edge," growled Germany, and Prussia didn't inquire further. They huddled under the roof, the albino tapped something on the screen, and then they were gone.

Almost immediately, they all preferred greeting the next mercenary than to being where they were now.

_Somewhere near Cairo, Egypt_

"Hey," said the middle shadow, as a golden edge started to creep over the Eastern horizon. The tall shadow (although admittedly, the kidnappers were beginning to look less like shadows as it got brighter) ignored her. "Hey, shouldn't we have been zapped back by now?" The tall one gazed at the rising sun, then took out a sequined mask and put it on. "Are you _listening to me_? Something's wrong!"

"I hear you. Stop yelling. I assure you, it will get you nowhere." Fed up, the middle one (now visible as a voluptuous redhead) threw up her hands and walked off to sulk. "But you are right." She stopped. "It is now almost one hour after we should have left. We don't have enough water for a day in the desert, so we should seek shelter."

"What are they talking about?" Greece asked Small Lady. She finished drinking from her water bottle and told him about the dimensional transporters and the parallel universes. When he asked her about the tall one's mask, she shrugged.

"It's so nobody sees his entire face, but I don't know why he wants to hide it. Maybe he has another life as something else, and he wants to keep them separated…Anyway, because of the mask, I call him 'Red'."

"Oh, I see, because it has red sequins. That makes sense." To Egypt, Greece's most amazing trait was not his ability to fall asleep under any conditions, but his ability to make polite and friendly conversation under any conditions (unless they were Turkey-related).

"Yeah, but it's also a reference to a fanfic I like."

"Oh? I didn't know you liked reading fanfiction." Small Lady blushed. She was actually quite cute, but aside from the kidnapping and her apparent insanity, there was the fact that she looked about fourteen.

"Yeah, I like the really violent ones. They give me ideas on what to do to my enemies." Greece's expression grew a bit more wide-eyed. Egypt remained unreadable as always. Small Lady continued, oblivious to what they felt. "So far, Red has been really mean to me, but I sort of respect him. Right now, that means he'll probably get an ironic death, like getting decapitated with a miniature scythe. Of course, I want him to remain alive when I remove his mask, so decapitation might be a problem. In my experience, stronger-willed people's heads remain conscious for only about ten seconds after decapitation, so I'll need to do everything perfectly the first time when I kill him. I've been practicing with mannequins, but I should probably start on humans soon. You can always find a good number around…" And so Small Lady babbled on, even starting to outline the ratings system for enemies she was developing, but then she thought, _Wait, is he getting bored? Maybe this is too personal a topic for right now. Oh, I don't know how I'm supposed to do this, I've never been in a serious romantic relationship before!_

"Anyway, that's enough about me, what kind of fanfic do _you_ like to read?" she ended awkwardly. Greece woke up. _Was she a nightmare?_ He hoped. No, the pink-haired girl was still standing in front of him. Crap.

_The South Pole, Antarctica_

"Hey, I can cancel all the scheduled trips! Hah ha, good luck trying to bring your kidnapped countries back now, bastards!" Prussia annoyed Germany with his chipperness in this inexplicably awful situation. After the countries had been dumped in some kind of snowfield, they had all been overcome by the dimensional transfer sickness and had thrown up various amounts of their breakfasts. Prussia, unfortunately, had been affected the least, and had been free for an unjust amount of time to inundate the others with his Prussia-ness.

"Prussia, would you mind telling us where exactly you sent us?" Germany was finally done emptying his stomach.

"Well, Germany is sort of in the middle of the Northern Hemisphere, right? And half of a hemisphere is ninety degrees, right? So I sent us to ninety degrees north latitude, and as for longitude –"

"ZAT IS NOT HOW LATITUDE VORKS, YOU IDIOT! YOU JUST SENT US TO THE NORTH POLE!"

"Well, that doesn't make any sense! I mean, see, urgh, does this thing have a map or something – oops."

"What did you ruin now?"

"It looks like I set it to ninety degrees south instead of north. What does that mean, Lud –"

"IT MEANS ZAT VE ARE IN ANTARCTICA, UND ZAT'S EVEN VORSE! At least from the North Pole we would have been near one of the Nordics, but there's no one in Antarctica! We have a better chance of being abducted by aliens than getting rescued out here."

"Hey, Germany!" Italy tugged on Germany's sleeve. "A really pretty lady is coming to rescue us! Do you think she's bringing pasta?"

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**Well, that's a cliffhanger! Wow, i just realized how many different character groups i have to keep tabs on right now. There's Keha and Estonia in a house together, there's poor Spain, there's Britain and Pals, there's the group in Egypt, and finally the group in Antarctica.**

**Also, I stopped writing characters' accents several chapters ago because it was just too much work, and I never knew if I was forgetting one of their verbal quirks. Please, just imagine them talking as they normally do. however, i did write germany's accent for his really angry part because a. it's the accent I think I do the best and b. It just didn't feel right without the accent in the caps lock parts. Maybe i'll continue doing this.**


	8. A Heart as Cold as Ice

**Sorry this chapter is a bit short, but putting too many of my POVs together would feel a bit weird, since they're not all synchronized chronologically. Anyway, who doesn't own? I don't! Oh, and I'm introducing another OC today, too!**

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_Dufa Taran Department of Intelligence, Dufa _

"What? How did this happen?" Alsihi had just received some very bad news.

"We think the schedule was sabotaged when three of the targets escaped with the transporter." The tall agent was displaying remarkably professional calm. Keha would have probably made note of that, but all Alsihi could see was the unfolding disaster.

"_Why_ was the entire operation using just one transporter?" she screamed.

"Because we had no reason to expect this eventuality." Alsihi wanted to cry. The entire project, which she had put so much work into for her sister, was going horribly in every way possible. Everything good, everything which this grand night had promised when it first began was being corrupted into a miserable sign of sadness. The dinner had ended unexpectedly early; she had rushed here, hoping to congratulate her sister; she found that there was nothing to congratulate. The cancellation of all the trips was the worst part. They couldn't bring back the agents without knowing that they would be at a specific place at a specific time, and the agents had taken no communication equipment. Even her sister was gone, due to some unfathomable twist of complication trying to secure a captive in _her own house_. _There's no way things can get any worse!_

Sirens began blaring for a few seconds. Then the power cut out. _I hate this!_ thought Alsihi.

At Kehensha's house, there were no sirens before the power was lost, though some could be heard out on the street_. ****, it's the Lichtensteinian terrorists again, _thought Kehensha. She growled and brought out her hand-cranked radio to listen to the city's military news.

As Estonia woke up, he found himself, not in a hospital bed or prison cell like he had been expecting, but on a plain futon in a home office. It was quite dark. He turned to the only source of light and saw, as his eyes adjusted, the first woman (the one who had kidnapped him) sitting next to a hand-cranked radio with a flashlight. She was fumbling around on the carpet, seemingly looking for something. Having to point the flashlight everywhere was getting in her way. He noticed, during one of the flashlight's wild passes, that the battery case on the radio was open and empty.

Estonia looked underneath his futon. There it was, a AA battery sneakily hiding behind one of the futon's legs. He picked it up with only a little difficulty, since he used his non-injured arm. The woman still hadn't noticed that he was awake. He pondered whether to give the battery to her or not. She could use the radio to call someone and arrange his further captivity, but he saw that the radio was one-way. It looked like a standard thing one would use during a blackout. Since he could see light fixtures on the ceiling, he guessed that was the case.

"Excuse me, were you looking for this?" The woman jerked back, saw him, and swore. Without another word, she took the battery from his hand – at first tentatively, but then she snatched it back and fitted it into the slot along with another battery that had been sitting on the floor next to her. She then turned the radio on and started cranking.

"—_group LRATH has launched a cyberterrorism attack against the Commonwealth's power system. To prevent any permanent damage from being done the entire system was taken offline as soon as the attack was detected. It will remain offline for an indefinite amount of time while viruses are cleansed from the system. All civilians not covered under Emergency Provision FDE are to remain inside. There is intelligence that there are—" _The voice crumpled out of the speakers, hissing and commanding. Estonia felt hopeful. So, they were trapped in this house. There wasn't much she could do to him alone, in here, right? But also…she certainly had a willingness to bend the law. What if she had some way to escape the curfew…with him in tow? But, also, how could she overpower him? _Are you serious?_ Estonia's brain complained, and started listing all the ways…_Enough. This is why I need information to plan. You can't predict, you can't make a plan if you know almost nothing about your captors. Get to know her, _he ordered himself.

She looked up at him by chance, and suddenly remembered he was there. He merited a sour look…then it bittered and sunk, as if to say, _I can't get you yet…_She stood up

"Fine. Stay there for the rest of the night. We're trapped here anyway. She walked out the door. He heard the click and thunk of it locking. Bone tired from his experiences, Estonia went back to sleep.

_The South Pole, Antarctica_

Germany looked, shocked, in the direction Italy pointed. Amazingly, there was a person dressed in heavy white winter gear running towards them, pulling a heavily-laden sled.

"How can you tell it's a pretty woman?" said Prussia, a little confused.

"But it's obvious!" exclaimed Italy, not understanding the question.

"Just drop it. Italians are weird like that," said Germany, bracing himself for danger. When the person saw them looking at her, she waved with one hand, while still running. She finally slowed down and came to a stop right in front of them, pulling off her hood. She _was_ quite pretty. The most striking thing about her, though, was her hair. It was long and translucent. From a distance it looked white, but up close each strand glinted pale blue or green or lavender as it shifted. Germany still remained tense. _What is she doing here?_ he wondered. She smiled sweetly.

"Hello! I thought you might need assistance," she said.

"Who are you?" Germany asked sternly.

"I'm Antarctica. Which countries are you?" She remained cheerful, apparently oblivious to Germany's suspicion. He relaxed a little. _It's okay, she seems fine, you're just paranoid from being kidnapped._

"How did you know we were countries?" This time, Prussia asked the question before Germany could.

"Because you all have the obvious energy characteristics of one, I concluded that you must be countries." Antarctica seemed to think that this was a perfectly clear explanation, but none of the other nations understood – much like Italy's answer a few minutes earlier. "May I administer medical aid to you? I'm very experienced," she said to Italy. He happily agreed, and she pulled off her outer jacket and made him lie down on it.

"I still don't understand," complained Prussia. "How did you know that he was hurt? How did you know we were even here?" Germany had the same questions himself.

"I'll explain later. Can you two help me unpack the sled? You really should get warmer clothes. It's pretty warm today, but still, you're not used to my weather. With his injuries, he should probably rest for a night, so I brought a tent, too." As the two brothers helped her, she added, "And you still haven't told me your names."

"I'm Prussia," said – well, do you need me to tell you who said it? Wow, you're thick. It was Prussia – "and this is Germany, my far less awesome brother, and the one on the ground is his even less awesome friend Italy."

"I've heard a little about all of you. Russia tells me that you, Prussia, are egotistical, that you, Germany, are scary, and that you," she said as she brought back the first aid kit to her patient, "Italy, are hard to tell apart from your brother." She took off his shirt to check the damage. "Is that true?"

"Russia is scared of me?" Germany was quite surprised. He thought only Belarus scared Russia.

"No, other people are. Those were generalities, except for the last one. Russia believes that it is only he who confuses Veneziano and Romano."

"So you know Russia."

"Yes. We met in the 1960's when I was helping to get Novolazarevskaya Station get set up. He visits every few years. I admire him so much! He was the first other country I met, and he told me about the other nations and people of the world. He is my role model." Antarctica said all of this completely seriously. Germany and Prussia were flabbergasted (Italy was, as usual, not listening). _Russia's her role model? How insane is she? _She kept working on Italy and didn't notice. "You should really dress yourselves in proper clothing for my weather." They hurriedly grabbed stuff from the bundles on the sled. "Start setting up the tent when you're done." As they set up the tent, Prussia whispered to his brother: "My awesome senses are warning me. There's something wrong with the way she refers to herself, and how does she know so much?"

"I'll tell you when we get settled down. The wind's going to pick up soon, so you should hurry." Like magic, Antarctica appeared behind them, wrapping a sound-asleep Italy in cold-weather clothes. They finished the tent in silence and then tucked themselves inside with the rest of the supplies. She had packed well – there was just enough room for everything, which, as she pointed out, would only make them warmer. The continent sat cross-legged, her back against a rolled up sleeping bag, and began to tell the two countries the story they wanted to hear so badly.

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**Yay Antarctica! This character idea's been in my head for some time. She's harder to write for, but that's just part of the fun! Oh, and cookies to anyone who can pronounce the name of that Russian research station three times fast (who isn't Russian).**


	9. The Bunny Chapter

**_Wherein the author forces our master of observation to spend way too much time taking care of bunnies and setting up a Brick Joke later on._**

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_Dufa_

Estonia woke up. Morning sunlight streamed through the small window set into the wall next to him. He checked, just in case – but no, it was clearly too tight for him to fit through. The obvious route was out. There was a desk in the room; apparently used often, as shown by the pencils and knickknacks and papers scattered across it. The end of a power cord curled across an empty space in the middle. Estonia cursed. If the computer had been there, it would have been useful to him. Finally, he read the fluorescent pink post-it note on the wall:

_The bathroom is through the trapdoor underneath the section of wall with the painting. While you're down there, feed the bunnies. _

Estonia looked underneath the painting (of an old Silk Road caravan), finding a small ring painted to match the wood floor. He pulled, and up the trapdoor came. Dropping below, he found himself in a concrete bunker. He left the trap open, just in case. Helpful signs were there to orient newcomers: left was Bathrooms, right was Bunnies, and forward was Nuclear Submarines (Warning: Minovsky Particle Containment). Estonia began to suspect that his captor had a sense of humor. He went to the bathroom first, taking a toothbrush from the fully-stocked cabinet under the sink. Afterwards, he thought, _Why not?_ and visited the bunnies.

The bunnies, he felt, were the happiest creatures he'd seen in a long time. When he found them, they were frolicking in a patch of grass, underneath a vertical tunnel that ended in an enormous skylight. Adjacent was a small bank of roomy cages. Taped to each cage was a small, laminated label with the name of the occupant in rainbow letters and a cute, childish drawing of the bunny in colored pencil. The labels, though still quite legible, seemed worn and faded. Estonia wondered how long his captor had owned these pets.

Using the drawing on each label, he returned the bunnies to their cages. Milo and Portakalos were easy to place, as they were reddish brown and spotted, respectively. After holding each of the remaining ones up to the sunlight, he found Fennel, whose coat was only a very dark brown instead of black. Estonia was left with Fıstık and Fındık, who were both identically sable. Comparing their two pictures, he thought Fındık's ears might be a little shorter than Fıstık's, but couldn't tell if it was intentional or just the drawing habits of an artistically-challenged eleven-year-old. Finally he just gave up and separated them by their ears.

He checked each cage to make sure the bunnies had enough water, then opened a compartment in the wall labeled FOOD, NOT WEAPONS. Beneath the loaded pistol he found on top, there was a large container of crisp greens, kept at a cool temperature by the underground cement. Estonia considered taking the gun, realized he didn't have anywhere to hide it and he barely knew how to use one anyway, and put it back. After distributing the leaves and ensuring that each bunny couldn't be happier, he left and climbed back into the office where he had spent the night, arriving to a bored-looking Kehensha reading a book on ancient Parthia.

"You don't seem surprised," she said, looking up and dog-earing her page.

"No, and you should use bookmarks." She ignored his suggestion and placed her book on the desk. "You were just hanging out in the Nuclear Submarines section the entire time. You came up here when you saw me go to the Bunnies through that camera disguised as a smoke detector. You were even watching the trapdoor the entire time up here, so you would be able to react quickly to me coming up (1). Are you insecure about your reflexes or something?" Normally, Estonia wouldn't have been so forward, but right now he felt he didn't have much to lose.

"You're annoying," she replied, "but in a good way." _****! _Yes_, I have bad reflexes –that hurt!_

_Outside Cairo_

Greece woke up at around noon, an edge of harsh sunlight tickling his eyes, like one of his cats trying to get extra treats. They had taken refuge in a cave worn from the sandstone cliffs. For a moment, he was confused. _Wait, why are there cliffs here? Aren't those out by Thebes?_ He couldn't remember. He sat up, seeing that he was still tied to Egypt (still asleep), and looked around the cave. Small Lady slept on the floor, taking small, whispery breaths, her pink hair still remarkably neat. The redhead, on the other hand, was grimly combing the frizzles and knots out of hers. She noticed he was up, but didn't seem to care. Sitting at the mouth of the cave was a silhouette that Greece guessed to be Red. He shifted, trying to wake his friend, but his stalker woke up instead.

"Mmm, good…" she took a moment to study the light from outside. " – afternoon, Greece!" She crawled closer. "Oh no, your hair is so dirty. We can't wash it, but will you let me comb it?"

"Uh, no thanks," he said, trying not to appear as if he was edging away.

"Whaaat?" It was as if she could not comprehend the idea of him not wanting to spend time with her. "You must be joking, right?" Her eyes narrowed. "Riiight?"

"Uh, uh, yeah. That – that was – totally a joke, yeah? Hahahah." His fake laugh was pathetic and almost a sob. Why was he so scared of her? "I, I would love for you to comb my hair."

She purred. "You are _right_! That really is funny. I see it now. Sorry, I must have not seen it was a joke at first because I'm kind of bad at interpreting emotions." _I'm pretty sure that's one of the signs of sociopathy_, he thought. She curled up lithely behind his back, produced a comb from a stuffed travel hygiene kit, and proceeded to take way too much pleasure from grooming him. She giggled. "This is just like what I do with my cat at home! Do you comb your cats like this?" Greece was torn between two emotions – love for cats, and fear of her. Fear won – but he told her everything he could about his cats anyway, to keep her purring.

Egypt woke up a few hours later. He saw a bizarre sight: Small Lady, easily half the size of Greece, clutching Greece's shoulder, still engaging him brightly in conversation about cats, twining her fingers though his hair, while Greece looked helpless and terrified.

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**Yay, bunnies! Sorry if they aren't your thing, but I just had to. For the bunny names: Milo and Portakalos are Greek for apple and orange respectively. Fistik and Findik are Turkish for pistachio and hazelnut respectively. Fennel is the name of a spice (in English).**

**(1) Estonia was able to figure that out since she was on a page that had been very recently dog-eared. Keha had simply opened her book, been too distracted to read much, and then closed it when Estonia came in.**

**Finland, Italy, then Spain, now Greece...why do I like torturing the nice ones so much? I think I like writing their reactions.**


	10. The Character with Attention Issues

**Hey, guys! I'm back! And the long absence hasn't changed the fact that I don't own anything, of course.**

**For your information, spiritwolfe123, I was not trolling you with that cliffhanger in Chapter 8. During the next sequence of events, however, I will most definitely be trolling.**

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_The South Pole, Antarctica_

The continent sat cross-legged, her back against a rolled up sleeping bag, and began to tell the two countries the story they wanted to hear so badly. Notice "began." That might give you an idea of what happens next.

"So," said the continent, "have you noticed that sometimes countries –" she was interrupted by a loud cry of pain from Italy, who had just woken up – right into a magnesium fire-starting block. Antarctica checked his face for bruises and gave the block an odd look. "Why is that there? It's much too windy to start a fire tonight." Prussia and Germany shrugged. Everyone got back into a comfortable position, including Italy, who was now sitting upright and trying to listen intently. Germany suspected it wouldn't last.

"To start over, I think you would have noticed that sometimes countries are able to –" she began, but was cut short again as Italy got his finger caught in one of the tent zippers. Germany sighed and helped free his friend. Antarctica untwisted the zipper, while Prussia crouched back giggling. The continent turned to him, getting uncomfortably close. "That reminds me of something. Is physical pain and abuse funny? I can never get a straight answer on that." Prussia stopped giggling and looked a bit creeped out. Italy, who had even less of a concept of personal space, tugged on her arm.

"Germany knows the answer! He's really smart, especially about pain and violent things!" Germany felt embarrassed. After such a long relationship with the younger country, he could now handle almost anything Italy did without batting half an eyelash. Still, though, he objected to being embarrassed by Italy with other people, especially if they didn't know Italy enough to take all his statements with a grain of salt. He endeavored to get their eyes off him by answering the question.

"People find minor pain and suffering funny, but at the same time they are ashamed of finding it funny, and usually try to hide it." Antarctica broke into a smile and suddenly hugged Germany. He took it stoically.

"Thank you! That has been troubling me for a while." She thought of something. "Prussia, you did not hide the fact that you found Italy's pain funny. Does that mean you feel no shame?" Germany was so surprised he burst out laughing.

"No, he doesn't," grinned Germany. Prussia looked more uncomfortable than ever now that all of the continent's quizzical attention was focused on him. "A-aren't we a little off topic here?" he panted.

"Right, my powers. There's –" Another crash, this time from outside the tent. Antarctica bade everyone else stay where they were and went to investigate. She came back holding two things. One was a seabird she began fussing over; the other was a lumpy, pockmarked rock. "I suppute that this tern got tangled up with this meteorite somehow and collided with out tent."

"That's…weird," said Prussia, at the same time as Germany said "Isn't that extremely unlikely?" And Italy exclaimed "The meteorite is warm!"

"The rock is warm because of friction with the atmosphere, which converted its kinetic energy into thermal energy. And yes, that was improbable, but I have a hypothesis that countries warp reality. If it is true, that may explain the occurrence." The two brothers processed the information that it had taken more than a page for her to get out. Fate, which had been tricked into letting her reveal it by the subject switching one sentence into the paragraph, settled down and decided to stop interrupting for a bit. The exceptional energies of the land of Antarctica needled Fate quite a bit, so it never felt quite comfortable unless it caused one or two highly improbable events a week there. Italy simply continued doing what he usually did during important exposition – drowning 54.5% of it out because he was playing with something way more fun, and absolutely not considering at all the implications of anything he did fully absorb.

"It's warm, just like pizza dough, only it's hard and not soft." Antarctica immediately went over to Italy so she could learn the approximate temperature of pizza dough. Fate (metaphorically) rolled its eyes. _She has the attention span of a gopher. What a way to be grateful for the exposition time I gave you. Maybe story planning isn't my forte. _Fate decided to take the unsubtle route to guidance. A totally random gust of wind rocked the tent, shaking Antarctica back over to the German brothers, who politely asked her about the story she'd kept getting cut off at the beginning of.

"Yes. Right, sorry. So, have you noticed how sometimes countries can do things that should be impossible, or even just highly improbable?"

"Like jumping several thousand feet from a spaceship into dense jungle and surviving with only minor injuries?" said Germany.

"Or even just living for hundreds of years. And I don't know about you, but I've died a few times (because my awesomeness requires me to place myself in dangerous situations) and revived. In a few minutes," added Prussia. He did not mention that one of those deaths had been due to an avalanche he brought down after loudly arguing with one who disputed his awesomeness, only twenty years ago. It hadn't been the Middle Ages, when he could have just stabbed the bastard, thrown him in a ditch, and claimed they'd been attacked by wolves on the way.

"A few minutes? That's happened to Russia, but he said it took four days. Oh, and I really wish I could've been with you on the spaceship," she said, suddenly turning to Germany. "Russia told me about it, but that's really not the same as being there. There is so much we could have learned! When you were in the hallways, what did it seem –" Germany gently prodded her back towards the subject at hand. "Right! And there seem to be differences among what different countries can do. I, for one, can, to a certain degree, tell what's happening anywhere on my continent or in the surrounding waters. I also have above-human strength and stamina and resistance to cold. And, of course, there could be something I haven't found out about yet." Prussia frowned.

"That's way too overpowered," he muttered. Antarctica leaned in close again.

"It must be because I am a continent, and you are all merely countries," she observed. Prussia finally lost it.

"Get out of my personal space!" He pushed her away. Germany was surprised. Not much made Prussia lose his cool and cocky attitude like this, but the woman seemed to deeply unseat him. He had barely even referenced his awesomeness during the conversation.

"I am deeply sorry," she said in a hurt tone. "Which space is personal to you?"

"All of this space!" He waved his arms around his body. Antarctica brought out a small notebook with a polka-dotted face and tried to draw a stick figure Prussia with a little bubble around him where he had indicated. She labeled the page _Prussia's Personal Space; Keep out of. _She also wrote down, on the next page, Ludwig's explanation of amusement at pain. Then she picked up a different notebook with a striped cover, turned to a page with _Pain, suffering causes amusement in some cases?_ and crossed it out. In addition, she opened a blank page of the striped notebook and wrote _Consider implications, behaviors of one who has no shame._

"That's…quite meticulous. I admire your record-keeping skills."

"Your handwriting is almost as neat as Germany's!"

"Thank you both!" she beamed. "I'm not used to getting this many compliments.  
So, do you know what special abilities you might have? They don't have to be nearly as overt as mine." After getting over their surprise at her actually sticking to the subject, the other countries thought deeply about what they might be. Excepting Italy, of course. The world usually had to be on the brink of destruction before he ever thought _deeply_.

"Maybe Italy has some sort of supernatural pasta-making abilities. It would explain how he was able to fix meals on a deserted island…several times. It seems a bit random, though," said Germany.

"I don't think it matters if they're random. Russia, whom I have also discussed this stuff with, can raise or lower his alcohol tolerance to an astonishing degree. Among other things."

"_What?"_

"He can decide how drunk he gets."

"Hey, how come lame misanthrope Russia can do that but the awesome Prussia can't?" The albino's indignity seemed to have overcome his discomfort for the moment. "That power would be much better off serving _me_, since half the girls he would pick up at a bar at his place would murder you in your sleep and sell your organs to witch doctors anyway."

"Russia is a misanthrope? And he never told me about these witch doctors!" Antarctica was agitated, at least partially from the effort of keeping two different ideas in her head at once. Prussia coolly explained himself.

"The misanthrope part is intentionally untrue stereotyping, based on the fact that he comes from and is the personification of a remote, cold wasteland that hates all living things (and that's exaggeration, sweetheart, in case you couldn't tell). The organs and witch doctors are misplaced anachronisms taken from American Bayou areas. They do not actually exist. All of this inaccuracy is acceptable when trash talking someone, since the name, _trash_, refers to the fact that what one says is mostly _garbage _or_ baloney_. The main purpose of trash talk is to get across that you dislike someone. Now will you shut up and let me get some effing sleep?" he finished harshly. He turned off the electric lantern on top of the tent and lay down in his sleeping bag.

Germany was shocked. That hadn't even seemed like Prussia (for one thing, there was actually a pretty good literary analysis hidden in his tirade).

Antarctica shrank back and tried desperately to suppress tears. Her negative emotions were directed toward herself, more than Prussia. Shouldn't she have had more self-awareness? Prussia had obviously been uncomfortable, and yet she had ignored him so she could talk about herself and her shiny theory. And, now…she could only hope that their relationship wasn't ruined when they'd barely met. She really did want to be friends. In the glimpses she had caught, the other country had seemed to be such a caring, deep, interesting person. All she could do now, though, was simply start over in the morning and try to be more careful.

The small creature who had temporarily possessed Prussia a few paragraphs back quaked inside a small corner of the country's mind. Had the continent really annoyed him _that_ much, to cause him to risk his secrecy? What if his host was aware of him now? What if he knew a way to kick him out? Listening to their conversation, it really seemed as if his host might be able to do _anything_. _Please, if you do get rid of me, please don't send me back there…there were _hungry_ things!_

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**And that's the plot hook for next chapter! The small creature's backstory will be explained...Wow, there was a lot of exposition in this chapter; I don't fault the creature for wanting to go to sleep.**

**I actually came up with Prussia's little stowaway at the last minute, while finishing this chapter. It eventually led to an awesome way to wrap up a plot thread in the finale, though, so I'm not complaining. **

**I feel very enthusiastic after taking my long holiday break, so I'll aim for a new chapter every two weeks from now on. Happy New Years!**


	11. We All Dream

**If you've been reading the story, I'm sure by now that you know I don't own.**

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_Alexandria, Virginia_

Someone banged on the door of America's house. Upstairs, everyone slept (in their own separate rooms, much to England's relief). They didn't wake up as the visitor kept ringing the doorbell. Finally, the disgusted country gave up on the front entrance. He walked around to the side, pulled a garbage can up to the wall, climbed on top, put one foot on the gate to the backyard, grabbed the hand- and foot-holds in the jutting bricks he was so familiar with, agilely scaled the house, and jumped down on to an ornate, flowery balcony that usually led to Georgia's bedroom. However, the country knew she was at summer camp at the moment, and that she always left her balcony door unlocked, so he just walked right in. And was rather surprised to see France in her very, very pink bed.

France kept sleeping, much to the country's relief. If France woke up with someone else in his room, he tended to take it as an "invitation," unless dissuaded by very loud negative reinforcement. England was the best at this. This country was not England, but was very adept at moving silently, and so he simply passed though, letting France sleep. He was looking for America anyway. He glided to America's room, somehow without inducing the centuries-old floors to creak, and stepped inside. He knew in order to wake up the accomplished sleeper and grab his attention, he would need to be creative. Simply hitting him with something could go on for hours without result. The country had planned for this, however; he took out a bottle of maple syrup from his lightweight backpack and began pouring it into America's mouth and nose.

"Remember, kids, don't try this at home because I'm pretty sure you'll suffocate someone. We are virtually immortal and can do whatever the hell we want to each other, and this jerk really deserves it right now. "

America was having a stressful dream. All of the kidnapped countries were tied up on top of a hamburger, and he had to be the hero and go save them, but the hamburger kept bouncing all over the place randomly, and it kept switching directions and he couldn't predict where it would go. And to top it off, he was getting winded and it felt hard to breathe, and there was this weird sweet taste in his throat….He woke up gasping and hacking.

"What the hell did you think you were _doing_, letting your cellphone run out of battery during a crisis like this and not calling me or anything? I have been traveling literally all night to get here, because you wouldn't tell me earlier. And why is France here? You called France before me? Let me guess, you forgot. You think you can handle everything alone and you never ever think about other people. Remember us? _Other people_? Who are your family members and care about you and need to be supported in times of crisis _too_? Who always have to come to _you_, to help_ you_, when you won't ask? Well one of these days it'll be up to you to come to us, and you won't do it because you always always FORGET ABOUT US!"

And so on. America was too busy trying to get his breathing functions back to interject. Kurajimou handed him a water bottle from the backpack, which helped a little. Pity it didn't have any water – that would have helped a lot. He could have thrown it at Canada's face!

"YOU'RE NOT LISTENING ENOUGH!" Canada shook his brother by the shoulders.

"Do I_-hck_ ev…er listen _cough_ enough…for anyone?" America sat up. Canada crossed his arms. He knew he was really asking for an end to the lecture.

"Apologize."

"I apologize."

"For what?"

"I apologize for not calling you as soon as we found out there was a crazy kidnapper running around."

"Apology accepted." Canada sat down and used his other, full water bottle to wash off his brother. It made a mess, but America didn't really care.

"I love you too, bro."

"Oh, _mon choux_, when did you arrive?" France was awake and affectionate, as usual. He ran over to hug the country he had raised from childhood. Canada explained how he had gotten in. France insisted on getting him into fresher clothes and escorted him to the bathroom, ignoring America, who was much wetter. America noticed England smirking outside the door.

"Hey, England, why don't you ever treat me like that?"

"You're much too old to be spoiled. Get dressed yourself, and quickly, or I'll start making breakfast."

"Why, yes, Britain, I love and cherish you too, you cranky old farthead," America muttered as he pulled off his t-shirt. He knocked on the bathroom door. "Is the shower free?"

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_Antarctica_

_Antarctica watched as the girl took another step toward her fallen opponent, brandishing her spear. The room tilted at a crazy angle (or was it already tilted? The fact that every wall and ceiling had carpeting didn't help), but the girl was just quick enough to stay on her feet. She was in her mid-teens and looked like nothing so much as a female version of Britain with her hair tied in a long braid. Her outfit was complicated, black-and-white, card-suit-themed, and looked massively impractical for using in real life, but Antarctica supposed that didn't matter here. _

_ The enemy twitched, becoming a demonic black turtle in a green shell. Something glowed red on its belly. The girl reacted immediately, attacking with her spear while yelling out a technique:_

_ "EXPLODING STAIRCASE GAMBIT!"_

_ Antarctica shot out of the room. From outside, the building was revealed to be a space station in the shape of a spiral staircase. Indeed, it began to explode. _

I like dreams,_ reflected Antarctica happily, _because I get to see the absolute limits of my imagination. I hope the girl survived. That looked like far too minor a foe for her to die against.

* * *

_Prussia found himself in a beautiful, idyllic meadow. Butterflies drank nectar from a bounty of delicate wildflowers. Fuzzy rabbits with shivering raspberry noses played across the soft grass, their perfect minds knowing no fear or stress. Birds composed sublime rhapsodies from hidden perches, invisible until you required one to flit into your hand to demonstrate how amazing this place was._

_ "What the hell?" said the small creature. "THIS is your mind's secret place?"_

_ "Hell no! This travesty does not honor the awesome Prussia at all!" As soon as he said it, the setting changed. They were now in a dim, gothic cathedral, only lit by an improbably bright full moon streaming through the empty windowframe at the front. Some of the other windows were filled with stained glass, but many more were empty. They looked around. "Much better," they agreed. _

_ "What was with the butterflies, then?"_

_ "Someone must have been screwing around with us. By my awesomeness, it shall not be permitted!" Invisibly, Fate laughed, chewing metaphysical popcorn. _Good luck trying to get revenge on me. _The author joined Fate, having finished writing this scene. She wanted to watch it play out. She congratulated Fate on its handling of the meadow – it was everything she had written and more. They shared the popcorn._

_ "Well then, I guess I should stop avoiding the subject at hand and explain myself," said the small creature nervously. Prussia looked around._

_ "Wait, where are you, exactly?" _

_ "Well, this is a visual representation of your mind. It's hard for me to take a form except the one you imagine for me, and I didn't have one when we first came here."_

_ "And you have one now?"_

_ "Well, I don't know. I don't feel – Hey!" The voice seemed to be coming from underneath a rack on the wall (no, not the torture kind, rack as in storage space). Prussia reached down and picked up a cartoony little devil, the kind usually seen perching on someone's shoulder along with an angel. It was, counting the tail, about as big as his forearm without his hand. The creature looked at itself. "This is seriously what you imagined when you heard my voice?"_

_ "Now that I think about it, yes, it is. Don't I have an awesome imagination? "The creature flapped away and started hovering at eye level._

_ "I'm not going to answer that. Do you want to hear my explanation or not?"_

_ "Of what?" _

_ "The thing last night! You're being as thick as Italy right now!"_

_ "Hey, I take offense to that! But seriously, what happened? Did you cause the asteroid?"_

_ "It was a meteorite. And no."_

_ "You're right, meteorite sounds cooler than asteroid."_

_ "I was the one who possessed you, already!"_

_ "What? What are you talking about?"_

_ "Are you saying you don't remember at all when I possessed you and chewed out Antarctica?"_

_ "You, you really…chewed out Antarctica?" Prussia's face was filled with awe and respect, as if the creature had delivered a talking-to to Cthulu himself._

You really like these kinds of relationships, don't you? _Fate asked the author. _First Greece and Small Lady, then Prussia and Antarctica. What's next, Spain and Alsihi? _She nodded, giggling impishly._

_ "She doesn't scare me, unlike you."_

_ "You know, normally I would be kind of mad about the possessing, but if you could fend off _Antarctica,_ it was for a good cause." He bowed. "That much awesomeness can make anything be forgiven." The creature landed on a pew._

_ "Uh, thanks. Does this mean I can keep living in your mind for a while?"_

_ "Sure. Just try to keep the possessing to a minimum. My body will wither and die if it doesn't perform enough awesome, and I'm not sure you can keep it up 24/7 like I do."_

_ "Thanks." Prussia held out his hand and the creature hopped on. To its surprise, Prussia put it on his head, among a messy field of white hair. "Your _head_?"_

_ "I always carry my pet bird like this. You're not much heavier."_

* * *

**Aww. What a cute little devil. Maybe he'll help rein in Prussia's personality.**

**I feel like the story has been moving along at a positively glacial pace. Should I hurry it up and stop introducing new characters and subplots (such as the little devil) or should I just make chapters longer? Let me know in a review if you can. **


	12. The Quickly-Resolved Sideplot Part 1

**I'm baaa-ack. And of course, I still don't own anything.**

_Keha's House, Dufa_

"The curfew is _still _on? What are they thinking?" It was late morning, and Keha had, after much frustration, gotten into contact with the Intelligence Corps through two-way radio. She now stood under the skylight of the bunny pen, the place with the clearest signal. Estonia could have probably helped, but it was a basic rule of warfare not to help your enemies be better coordinated. "The city's going to fall apart soon without electricity! What about hospitals? Their generators are absolutely crappy, they can only last for a couple days!"

_Oh well, as long as it delays their plans, _thought Estonia as he petted Portakalos. It chilled him how insensitive he was to the real problems of the people in the city, but he was the first to admit that self-preservation was his highest goal.

"Oh, yay, _hospitals_ get power. Then why don't we?"

_Dufa Taran Department of Intelligence, Dufa _

Alsi put her head on her desk and moaned. She'd been running a department she wasn't familiar with (she was actually on the legal team – yes, the one from chapter five that was scarier than some _Ace Attorney _prosecutors) on limited electricity, during a curfew, in borderline chaos. She was already in a state before she had to listen to her sister's incredibly tiresome complaints over the radio. She just _couldn't_ put up with anything else. _What would Keha do_, she wondered, _if she was this stressed? Stick her head in ice water and look absolutely angry while doing everything. _Alsihi didn't want to do that. She wanted _Keha_ to do that and take the responsibility away from her.

An agent entered. It was the same tall, grave female one. "The surgeon from Iceland is here. With the Icelandic surgeon inspector."

"_Die."_

"Are you sure about that?"

"Not you, me. Just drop it. Why is the surgeon here 12 hours early?"

"Apparently he got around the storm by driving to a different airport. He couldn't tell us when he landed because of the blackout. The inspector is here because when the surgeon first heard about the storm, he decided to wait it out by going through his yearly license renewal with the inspector, who was nearby. During the test, the surgeon thought of going to a different airport and took the inspector with him, against his objections, he tells me."

"_This_ is the ditz we hired for our operation?"

"As far as we can verify."

"Let me go see him." The agent led Alsi to a waiting room, where their two visitors demonstrated exactly how comfortable each of them was in this situation. The tall, handsome, blonde surgeon drank coffee out of a mug from the staff room and guffawed with some random interns whose names she didn't remember like they were lifelong friends of his. His presence seemed to fill the room, except for one corner where the other Icelander sat with his knees pulled up in a chair, staring blankly ahead. He seemed far too young to hold a job as curmudgeonly-sounding as 'Inspector;' he was certainly not out of his twenties. His pale, white blond hair fell over his face, obscuring his delicate features. He wore a rumpled brown suit that had definitely seen some use. A pet carrier lay under his chair. All in all, he looked exactly like Iceland would if his boss had forced him to work as a health inspector for his keep and he had unluckily been at the same airport at the same time as the surgeon. But of course, that wouldn't be Iceland because this is an alternate dimension, but actually it could just be Alternate Iceland and but anyway the author promised that she'd stop adding in new characters and side plots, right? _Right?_

As Alsi passed Not-Iceland on her way to the surgeon, her foot hit the pet carrier, eliciting a loud curse in Icelandic from the bird inside who was not Puffin. She stared for a bit. Someone told not to mind it, the bird made weird cries all the time, and she shrugged it off and reached the surgeon. Not-Iceland hadn't moved.

"You're the surgeon?" she asked. He nodded, and began to tell her about the story the secretary's assistant had just shared, but she interrupted him. "Just go see the patient," she said wearily, and waved a hand sort of in the direction of the medical ward. The agent stepped out silently to give him directions. She moved to the inspector who was not Iceland. He finally showed a sign of life and dully lifted his eyes. She waited for him to speak first, though she wasn't sure what she wanted him to say. Giving a reason why she should let him sit there and be another problem for her would be nice.

"How illegal is this?" he finally asked.

"I don't know and I don't care!" she raged. "Why are you _here_, questioning _me_, when there are _so_ many things you could be doing that wouldn't be getting in my way?"

"Do I look like I want to be here?" he said, still quiet.

"What you want doesn't matter!" She slapped him across the cheek. He didn't make a sound, but the color flushed into his face and he gritted his teeth. Below, the cage erupted in a flurry of Icelandic that warmed the country's heart.

"Hey, get your hands off him, *****! I'm the only one who gets to hit that misanthropic runt in the face! I'm a mob boss, you know! You don't wanna mess with me! I told ya you shouldn' ta left me in this cage! Bad things always happen if I'm not around to pull yer butt out of the frying pan-" Alsihi snarled, grabbed the pet carrier, kicked open the bulletproof window (as in, she _shattered it_ and broke a heel) and _launched_ the carrier out into the lush forest surrounding the building to the tune of blaring breaking and entry alarms and Puffin's cries, which were even louder. She turned and went to go stomp around the place with no goal, ignoring the sharp pieces digging into her foot. The interns stood, shocked at the unprecedented display. Alsihi was always such a sweet, kind person. She always got Kehensha to discipline subordinates for her. What had just happened?

A little while passed. Iceland was at the window, trying to see where Puffin's carrier had fallen. Worry was the first emotion that had crossed his face since he came here. Raw, painful worry. One of the filing assisstants had shut off the alarm, and the interns were all enjoying an unsanctioned break, since no one was there to supervise them. Suddenly, one of the interns ran out of coffee. They played a game of not-it to see who would get the next pot, and the filing assistant's ex-girlfriend's cousin, who'd gotten fired a while ago but was trapped because of the lockdown, lost. But she couldn't go because the alarms and loudspeakers were blaring again and not-it is stupid anyway and its results should never be trusted.

AUTHOR FILIBUSTER! AUTHOR FILIBUSTER!

No way, Fate. You need to reread the Trope Page.

* * *

**Sorry I was late in posting this. I just had a really stressful week. Plus, it won't let up, as I'm approaching the busiest part of the year for choir, theater, and dance. On the bright side, a major plot development happened, some hints to a later plot twist were dropped, and this side plot will be wrapped up next chapter. Yay!**


	13. Iceland's (sort-of) Chapter Part 2

**Woo-hoo! I just barely made this deadline. Enjoy this fanfic, and also I do not own Hetalia.**

* * *

_Dufa Taran Department of Intelligence, Dufa _

After the godly Masters of the Loudspeakers had gotten everyone's attention, they gave an announcement that was met with sighs of relief all over the city-state.

"SECURITY HAS BEEN ESTABLISHED IN ALL COMPROMISED AREAS. LOCKDOWN IS LIFTED ON ALL AFFECTED AREAS. MUNICIPAL SERVICES WILL BE RE-ESTABLISHED SHORTLY."

In Dufa's Public Announcement Control Office, one of the godly Masters himself sponged up his co-worker's spilled coffee while the co-worker herself received a slip of paper from yet another co-worker. This one, however, was known to act as a messenger for certain people, the type who were always shown with their faces in shadow with their voices frustratingly indistinct while they plotted vaguely with others over voice-scrambling connections and proclaimed that everything was going according to plan. So the while the female worker quirked an eyebrow at the order on the slip, she didn't object, and tossed the slip lazily over her shoulder on her way to her station. It caught fire in midair and hit the carpet as flaky ashes. They were used to that, too.

"LOCKDOWN AND RESTRICTIONS REESTABLISHED ON BLOCKS N3 AND N4 UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE. HAVE A NICE DAY. As she said it, she wondered whose day would be turned utterly miserable by the order.

_Keha's House_

"Whaaaat? Nooo! No, no, no!" Keha stormed through the house looking absolutely angry at everything. "They are so lucky they got that out fast, because if I had been outside I would NOT have stopped."

"So which one of those blocks are we in, N3 or N4?" asked Estonia, to gather information.

"I am so not telling you." She stepped downstairs (stomping frightened the bunnies. They're very seismically sensitive, you know) and grabbed a stuffed toy to keep her hands busy while she walked out her anger.

_Someplace Supernaturally Secret and Shadowy_

"Nice to see that Anton is still in good standing with his co-workers at PACE," said Kehensha and Alsihi's mom as she listened from a hidden microphone. She was listening while working on a scrapbook of famous people she'd ordered the deaths of. Scrapbooking was her hobby, but she dissolved everyone in acid as soon as she finished it so that no one could use the information against her. Paranoia isn't bad if it's justified. "Trapped that long, Keha will either fall in love with him or murder him, both of which would do her good. It would really be so nice to see her with a boyfriend." _Why, at her age, Alsi was already engaged! I did have to have him killed, but she recovered nicely, anyway. No outwardly visible trauma or depression _at all_ for her._

_Dufa Taran Department of Intelligence, Dufa _

Meanwhile, Alternate Iceland bolted as soon as the first alarms went off. Puffin was not too injured to insult his search and rescue skills, loudly, and so the two friends were reunited and trekking home. Yay, happy endings!

"Their return will probably be a plot point in a later fanfic. The author isn't one to abandon stuff like this. She likes Iceland, too. You can see because she made him cute, skinny, resilient, and victimized," observed Fate, eating red licorice.

Back at Intelligence, Alsi was painfully digging shards of glass and shoe out of her foot. _I should have probably gone to Med,_ she realized, but there was no way she was hobbling there now without leaving a trail of blood on the floor. _If it's bad enough to leave a trail of blood, I should _really_ go there._ Thankfully, the surgeon popped by to give a time estimate for the surgery and decided to be heroic and carry her there.

The nurses were, frankly, shocked at her physical feat. But they were not at all surprised that she hadn't noticed the pain until recently. Apparently, that was one of the main properties of adrenaline. So Alsi, lying in that bed in the duckling-yellow room, simply relaxed and got her first good sleep in 24 hours.

* * *

**In case you guys are wondering ( you probably aren't) Iceland's powers are an affinity for fish-eating birds and a propensity to avoid getting injured by geological phenomena. Useful if there is an erupting volcano nearby. And he hardly ever trips on rocky outcroppings or falls off cliffs! Yay for random reality warping!**

**I might release a mini-chapter in one week that gives more background for Prussia's devil companion.**


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